“What Are You Saying, Heart?”
By Britt McDougall
Jamaican/European Family
Youth Empowerment Worker – Kitsumkalum
Brittany.mcdougall@nifcs.org
Facebook: Kitsumkalum Youth Empowerment
Instagram: Kitsumalumyep
December 10, 2020

What does my heart say? When I told my then boyfriend, I wanted to be “more like just friends” over the summer, I was listening to my heart. When he told me, I broke his heart, he was speaking from his. When my brother wrote me a note on my birthday expressing his love for his sister, he was speaking from his heart. When I witness my brother struggle with addiction and mental health, my heart breaks. When I brought myself to a support group and let myself cry and cry, I was leading with my heart. At every crossroads in life, I try to ask myself, what does my heart say?

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We can speak about the heart in many ways; as the physical organ, as an emotional center or as an energy center, a chakra. But here, I am speaking about the heart as a messenger, a pathway, a guiding light, a common thread among all beings. Many cultures all over the world, point to the heart when asked about identity. Who are you? Dialects of Sm’algya̱x are spoken by the Tsimshian, Nisga’a and Gitxsan. In Tsimshian Sm’algya̱x, g̱oot, the heart is at the center of many feelings and thinking expressions. To name just a few, Adziksa G̱oodu – I am proud, Ḵ’amg̱oot – kind (only heart), ’Wahg̱oot – thoughtless, Luḵ’ aag̱a g̱oot – to start thinking about, to remember something (open heart). (Sm Łoodm Nüüsm – Dr. Mique’l Dangeli, 2020) In my personal experience, the heart is an inclusive and endless way to knowing mySelf.

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The heart has guided me to this point now. Writing this article, serving as a Youth Worker. First, my heart broke open. I realized and continue to realize the oppression of Indigenous Peoples that I was fed and gobbled up unknowingly. My heart broke open when I found myself, perpetuating colonial violence at a Tribe Called Red Concert. I stood in front of her in the crowd. Our eyes locked. I felt her fury and disgust in my own body. I had let my friends paint my face. “Read a textbook!” she glared, “This a war paint!” In one moment, I realized that the slime of oppression had crept into my actions. I broke down and cried and cried. I thought I was immune, “a good person”... Big emotions came through, but this is not the point. I realized I was just another part of the problem (if I stay uneducated). I had to listen to my heart to know what to do next.

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The heart I speak of is always present. It does not come and go with emotions, but is here to witness them all. In the same way, if the mind is busy or loud or quiet, this heart, we are here throughout.

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I started the ongoing journey of educating myself about First Nations culture and history, my own biases and connecting with people in Kitsumkalum. I was hired as a youth coordinator and the rest is history. Well… the job teaches me something new every day and I get to work with some amazing people, but it comes with its challenges too. As many of us are familiar, there is quite a lot of lateral and emotional violence in many communities. Internalized oppression is a real thing. For the first two years, when I left an interaction feeling off, I was never sure why. And I constantly battled with myself wondering if this is the right place for me. To be honest, I still wonder. But sometimes things happen that re-affirm in my heart, that I am in the right place. Like, meeting my co-worker Dm Sil Haaytk Gyibaaw - Emily and sharing the STOKE on community projects together. Or hearing from my good friend and teacher that he feels this work is good for my spiritual growth. Or getting a grant to do a really cool project!!! (see below).

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Life throws at us some curve balls for sure, and we never really know what we’re going to get. But this heart, my friends, is here to stay. And something tells me (.. heart) that this attention to, this following, this speaking from, this unfolding, this being as the heart, is the way anyways.

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Which brings me to Algya̱ga K’üülm G̱oot – Heart Speak (that really cool project!!!). Algya̱ga K’üülm G̱oot means speaking from one heart in Sm’algya̱x. It is a youth communications initiative that is informed by many community members and by my experiences with them. It aims to bring youth together, to connect with culture, to the heart and to give back to others. This year we are running a pilot project and want to give space for it to take on a life of its own. The project takes place over 5 months. First, a culturally based training is offered by an amazing Support Crew (see members in acknowledgements below). Youth Leaders will take part in activities involving Lateral Kindness, Cedar Brushing, Traditional Medicines, Feast Hall Voice Strengthening and Adaawx – Storytelling. Then youth will meet weekly throughout the school year to practice connecting, listening, speaking from the heart, and eventually facilitating.

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Right now, Indigenous youth ages 14-20, living in Kitsumkalum, Terrace and Kitselas are having weekly *virtual* talking Circles, in partnership with Live Different. These meaningful conversations are a platform for youth to develop themselves, connect and give back. Contact me, Britt, directly if you, a youth, would like to get involved. We would LOVE to meet you.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS (Picture of the team in a Zoom meeting below)

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I would like to give a huge shout out to each of our Support Crew members. We spent an entire 3 days together over Zoom at the end of November, building a foundation of trust and developing the training for youth. Due to the presence we all brought, it was a very moving and touching time together. These folks are part of a root system who supports youth in knowing the leader in themselves, practicing cultural wellness ways and speaking from the heart.

Liitaa laxdaaw Gyibaaw - Sharon Bryant
You have literally been there since the first Kitsumkalum Youth Group, I led back in 2017. I was shaking in my boots lol. Thank you for your continued kind-hearted presence.

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Dm sil haaytk Gyibaaw – Emily Bryant
SO happy to know you and continue be beside each other, through thick and thin. Siip'ntut nüün!!

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X'aam'aal' niiy' bagwit - Sherry McDames
We have just recently (re)connected and I am so grateful and inspired by your full-on readiness to share your gifts with those around you. Thank you so much!

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Wii Kxasw Jasa Wilin - Lynn Wright-Parker
Your vision and methods truly are a powerful force. You have carried me through some tough times and I am so so grateful for the privilege to call on you.

Gaks Laksiilda – Kathy Wesley
Your calm embrace holds such sacred space and room for healing. Thank you for who you are.

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Sm Łoodm 'Nüüsm (Dr. Mique’l Dangeli)
Wow, I feel honoured to learn along side you and to witness your simple yet fiery acceptance of who you are. Your strength moves me.

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Goolth Ts’Imilx and Teetlien – Mike Dangeli
Big hearted man! Haha, thank you for taking the time to share from your heart. Your offerings are sweet and oh so full.

T’oyaxsut nüüsm!